TO TELL THE TRUTH...

Wisdom says...


We must be honest with others, but not for the purpose of hurting them. 

One thing my family (husband and 2 children) is known for is our "brutal" honesty.  Really, it is not "brutal" at all because we love each other and want the best for each other.  If I have to tell one of my children that they don't smell so hot, it is not to embarrass them, but so that they can present their best selves to the world. We have to be honest with people, yes, but it has to be for the ultimate goal of helping them to be better.

This is problematic for people for several reasons.

• They don't understand or appreciate the value of truth. 

Being honest is very liberating.  I appreciate people that can handle and give the truth. I value more the friends that are willing to say things that make me (temporarily) uncomfortable. Conversely, it is difficult to maintain friendships with people with people that are not open and honest because I don't feel safe with them. It seems like something is always simmering beneath the surface.  They feel a certain way, but don't express it and find that I am often at a loss about their true feelings. 

• They are afraid of backlash or other repercussions.

I understand the difficulty with this, because it is a fear is learned through life's experiences.  I was taught as a child that honesty is NOT the best policy and began to tell lies so that neither I nor anyone else would be hurt.  If we fear telling the truth because of what will happen to us or others, we hinder our ability to have fruitful relationships. 

•  They don't have the right motives or reasoning for truthfulness.

As with other behaviors, brutality is also learned.  Some people say anything to people any kind of way and don't care how it makes them feel.  We have to come to the realization that when we truly care for, and love others, we want them to be better and are willing to risk "truth" to do that .  Truth spoken out of malice, animosity, hurt, pride, or ignorance, will not affect any positive change.



The above reasons are not all-inclusive.  There are many reasons that people are not honest.  Until we are honest with ourselves, we cannot be truthful with others.  We have to decide that it is essential to the success of our relationships with GOD, ourselves, and others that we be gut level honest, but only as it pertains to growth.  If we we begin with the motive that we want to be our best, and want the same for others, the "truth" will work for us and serve as a conduit to developing (and maintaining) awesome relationships.

 EXAMPLE: My success in "Corporate America" for 10 years can be attributed to my candor.  People did not always like me, or what I had to say, but they did "respect" me, which I found far more valuable. 

One day, while working as an Appeals Specialist for a Healthcare company I was asked, by an executive, to send a bunch of medical records to an insurance company so that we could "make a statement".  I could have "blindly" followed his instructions, but instead researched the accounts and realized that it would be hideous for us to do what he was planning.  Fear aside, I went back to him and gave him the reasons why we should not do this and the impact on our reputation.  I had an alternative plan that was just as effective and, after hearing it, he told me to implement it.  This is only one example.  After learning the value of honest, I have been honest with people, regardless of title or position.  As a result, I have respected throughout my career, and  and have been included in decision-making when others were not. 

What is holding you back from being 100% honest with people?  Do you have fears/inhibitions around this?  Do you believe people are not honest with you?...Why?

CAN YOU HANDLE IT?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXoNE14U_zM (click for video)