TO TELL THE TRUTH...

Wisdom says...


We must be honest with others, but not for the purpose of hurting them. 

One thing my family (husband and 2 children) is known for is our "brutal" honesty.  Really, it is not "brutal" at all because we love each other and want the best for each other.  If I have to tell one of my children that they don't smell so hot, it is not to embarrass them, but so that they can present their best selves to the world. We have to be honest with people, yes, but it has to be for the ultimate goal of helping them to be better.

This is problematic for people for several reasons.

• They don't understand or appreciate the value of truth. 

Being honest is very liberating.  I appreciate people that can handle and give the truth. I value more the friends that are willing to say things that make me (temporarily) uncomfortable. Conversely, it is difficult to maintain friendships with people with people that are not open and honest because I don't feel safe with them. It seems like something is always simmering beneath the surface.  They feel a certain way, but don't express it and find that I am often at a loss about their true feelings. 

• They are afraid of backlash or other repercussions.

I understand the difficulty with this, because it is a fear is learned through life's experiences.  I was taught as a child that honesty is NOT the best policy and began to tell lies so that neither I nor anyone else would be hurt.  If we fear telling the truth because of what will happen to us or others, we hinder our ability to have fruitful relationships. 

•  They don't have the right motives or reasoning for truthfulness.

As with other behaviors, brutality is also learned.  Some people say anything to people any kind of way and don't care how it makes them feel.  We have to come to the realization that when we truly care for, and love others, we want them to be better and are willing to risk "truth" to do that .  Truth spoken out of malice, animosity, hurt, pride, or ignorance, will not affect any positive change.



The above reasons are not all-inclusive.  There are many reasons that people are not honest.  Until we are honest with ourselves, we cannot be truthful with others.  We have to decide that it is essential to the success of our relationships with GOD, ourselves, and others that we be gut level honest, but only as it pertains to growth.  If we we begin with the motive that we want to be our best, and want the same for others, the "truth" will work for us and serve as a conduit to developing (and maintaining) awesome relationships.

 EXAMPLE: My success in "Corporate America" for 10 years can be attributed to my candor.  People did not always like me, or what I had to say, but they did "respect" me, which I found far more valuable. 

One day, while working as an Appeals Specialist for a Healthcare company I was asked, by an executive, to send a bunch of medical records to an insurance company so that we could "make a statement".  I could have "blindly" followed his instructions, but instead researched the accounts and realized that it would be hideous for us to do what he was planning.  Fear aside, I went back to him and gave him the reasons why we should not do this and the impact on our reputation.  I had an alternative plan that was just as effective and, after hearing it, he told me to implement it.  This is only one example.  After learning the value of honest, I have been honest with people, regardless of title or position.  As a result, I have respected throughout my career, and  and have been included in decision-making when others were not. 

What is holding you back from being 100% honest with people?  Do you have fears/inhibitions around this?  Do you believe people are not honest with you?...Why?

CAN YOU HANDLE IT?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXoNE14U_zM (click for video)

AN EXORTATION FOR BELIEVERS

 

Wisdom says...

What image are you projecting to the world?

The bible calls us "living epistles" or "living letters" (of recommendation) that can be read by all men (2nd Cor 3:2). Paul was telling the Corinthian church that the apostles needed no letters of recommendation because the good works could be seen in their (Corinthians)
 lives.

 The question is...does GOD need a letter of recommendation or do OUR lives speak for him? 

As Christians, we are under a great deal of scrutiny.  We get judged quite critically by the world.  I have heard it said more times than I can count, "I thought _________ is supposed to be a christian".  I used to get upset and wonder how people with no more GOD than "the man on the moon" could stand and cast judgement on me when I am "trying" to live right. 

Well...

Story
I love to dance.  I used to put on my Jordache jeans and dance to the commercial with my (half) sister when we were kids ("you got the look, I want to know better"...).  I am sure someone actually dated themselves right there, LOL.  Whatever had to do with dance, I was in it (performing arts school, cheerleading, talent shows, drill teams, and the list goes on).  Even the (few) parties I attended, I never got off the dance floor.  As an adult and a believer that didn't stop.  At one point, I was on the Praise dance team at church and I even started to line dance a few years ago.  I love to dance!!  While dancing is not overtly "sinful" I now see that even that can be a stumbling block.  

So...I am at this picnic and they play one of my favorite line dance songs. I go over and start dancing (with my "saved" self). Although I was not trying to be seen by anyone or trying to be seductive, but what happened after I stopped dancing gave me pause...and the subject matter for today's blog.  An older man ( I will not call him a gentleman) came over while I was talking to a group of women I had not seen in a long time and began to comment on my dancing.  I will not repeat what he said, but let's say...it was far from appropriate.  Of course he was out of line, but instead of looking at him, I had to check myself.

The apostle Paul said, "Everything is permissible for me, but everything is not helpful" (1st Cor 6:12 ISV).  Even though "dancing" in and of itself, is not sinful, it was an indictment on my character.  You tell me, could I have told him about the goodness of Jesus at that point?  I wondered what would happen if he repeated some of those things to other people, or how the women I was talking to felt.  Could I have even witnessed to "them"? 

The scripture that GOD put in my spirit is "My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me" (Gal 2:20 NLT).  I realized that all of the things I love to do must come under subjection to GOD because I would not want my "good to be evil spoken of" (Rom 14:16). 

I am finally resolved that my life no longer belongs to me.  I have to give over my dreams and desires to him.  For a time I had only submitted parts of myself to him.  Now I see the value in total submission.

What about you?  I know I am not the only one that has struggled with something like this.  Ask yourself: is there anything that "I" am okay with doing that GOD's stamp of approval is not on?  Does my life recommend GOD to others or does it turn others from him?  Do I care more about my "stuff" than I do about building GOD's kingdom?  In short... am I totally submitted? 

The bible says that we should not do anything that would cause another believer to stumble (Rom 14:21.  How much more for the unsaved? 

Prayer Father, give us eyes to see and ears to hear your spirit speaking to us.  Deliver us from every sin and weight that so easily besets us.  Let the words of our mouth and the meditation of our hearts be acceptable in your sight, oh Lord.  Father, put a yes in our spirits that will enable us to experience you fully.  Your words says that you will perfect that which concerns us and that you chasten those whom you love.  We open ourselves to your perfecting grace and your correction...In Jesus name, Amen. 

TO MY READERSHIP

V says...
 
Thanks so much for your support!  Wisdom Notes been up less than one month and have already had over 400 hits.  That tells me that people (YOU) have taken a real interest in what I have to say.  For that, I am both humbled and grateful. 

I want to take this time to let you know about a few small changes. 

• I will not be posting daily anymore.  I would love to, but it is far more important that I focus on the quality of my posts rather than quantity.  It is my hope that they will be more fresh, interesting, and relevant.  
• While I want to have a blog that is "all inclusive" and contains ideas that appeal to the masses, I will occasionally write for a certain group or population because that is what is burning in my heart at the time (I do believe that GOD leads me in my writing). This will not necessarily "exclude" anyone from viewing; everyone may not find it relevant to them.
• I will be using more audio/visual treats and reference materials in the posts.  This is both to support a particular idea and to allow readers to do further research.

I would love to hear from you all from time to time.  Even though I have over 400 hits, I only have a handful of individuals that give me feedback.  One person told me over the weekend that they love the blog, but don't want to comment (there is a way to leave ANONYMOUS comments).  You may also 
e-mail me  ( vday74@gmail.com ) your comments and I can post them for you (all questions/comments will be kept confidential).  You may also inbox me on facebook:

(http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/1skilledspeaker)

 I am considering beginning a new blog at some point that is more interactive and without comment moderation.  Meanwhile, please let me know you are out there! 

Stay tuned, and let me know if this blog has impacted you in some way. 

GOD bless , and may you continue to grow in life, laughter, and love.

Yours,

V. Dacia Smith

GIANTS??? Where? (click here)

Wisdom says...



What are the GIANTS in YOUR Life?  Have you already decided you are defeated, or victorious?

How do YOU see YOURSELF?

For more...Read: Numbers CH 13 vs. 17- 33

WHO TURNED THE HEAT UP?

Wisdom says...


There are two types of people: thermostats and thermometers. 





Thermometers will always reflect the current temperature, but thermostats actually set the temperature.  This is a concept often taught in leadership circles.  Some believe that it merely signifies the distinction between leaders and followers. But I submit to you that each person has the ability to set the tone for their environment and his or her life.  I have seen people allow others to do things in their space and environment that THEY don't even do. 

We must establish boundaries for ourselves and our space.  If people are allowed to say anything to us and do anything to us, our relationships will be of poor quality. We may find ourselves repeatedly being used, disrespected, and devalued.

Setting the tone, or temperature, is easy.  We can simply say, I don't participate in this or we don't do that here, etc... I have found that people are more respectful of individuals that have rules and boundaries, than those that don't. 

What do you allow that you are unhappy with?  Do the people you spend the most time with know what you will/will not accept?  Are you in control of your own space and life, or do you allow others to control you?  In short, are you a thermostat or a thermometer?

Take courage and let others know what you will and will not accept in your space and in your relationships.  You will lose the losers and attract winners!

For further reading:

MAN... or mouse?

Wisdom says...

Failure to learn from our mistakes is like being on hamster wheel; we exhaust ourselves, but remain in the same place!..vds

Have you ever known someone (maybe yourself) that keeps doing the same thing over and over and you wonder why they don't "get it"?  Have you seen someone get hurt over and over by the same people or circumstance that devastated them last time?  What exactly is the problem?

Story: Many of you know from my previous posts that I was an emotional wreck due to past abuse/misuse and had a lot of problems with my relationships. Over the years, I have spoken with countless women with similar issues and hangups.  They want success in life and relationships, but cannot attain it. They can't figure out why they end up with yet another knucklehead or why people continue to use/misuse them.  Not long ago, after hearing the same type of story for the (for the #th time) I asked, "when are you gonna get off the wheel"?  They had no more answer than I did when "I" was on the wheel.  We put so much time and effort into things and people that continually disappoint and devastate us.  We end up being exhausted, feeling worse, and trusting less.  Ultimately we end up inside a box (much like the hamster), unable to move out of that "space". 

So...how do we get off the wheel and out of the cage that binds us up and keeps us stagnated?  We have to come to the realization that we are men or mankind (not mice) that are not designed to be relegated to a finite space.  Also, we must decide that our efforts should bear us fruit, not exhaustion. If the cost of doing a thing is greater than the benefit, perhaps we should opt out.  Consider this...only a fool makes a deposit at a bank that is no longer open.

Q: Have you been "spinning your wheels" or "on the wheel" of perpetual failure in relationships or some other area?  What are you willing to do to begin to move forward? Maybe you are off the wheel now.  What other strategies might one use to get off (and remain off)?

Prayer: Lord help us identify the areas in our lives in which we are on the wheel and give us the knowledge and ability needed to get off, so that we might enlarge our territory.


For more information...read "Romans" chapter 7