TO TELL THE TRUTH...

Wisdom says...


We must be honest with others, but not for the purpose of hurting them. 

One thing my family (husband and 2 children) is known for is our "brutal" honesty.  Really, it is not "brutal" at all because we love each other and want the best for each other.  If I have to tell one of my children that they don't smell so hot, it is not to embarrass them, but so that they can present their best selves to the world. We have to be honest with people, yes, but it has to be for the ultimate goal of helping them to be better.

This is problematic for people for several reasons.

• They don't understand or appreciate the value of truth. 

Being honest is very liberating.  I appreciate people that can handle and give the truth. I value more the friends that are willing to say things that make me (temporarily) uncomfortable. Conversely, it is difficult to maintain friendships with people with people that are not open and honest because I don't feel safe with them. It seems like something is always simmering beneath the surface.  They feel a certain way, but don't express it and find that I am often at a loss about their true feelings. 

• They are afraid of backlash or other repercussions.

I understand the difficulty with this, because it is a fear is learned through life's experiences.  I was taught as a child that honesty is NOT the best policy and began to tell lies so that neither I nor anyone else would be hurt.  If we fear telling the truth because of what will happen to us or others, we hinder our ability to have fruitful relationships. 

•  They don't have the right motives or reasoning for truthfulness.

As with other behaviors, brutality is also learned.  Some people say anything to people any kind of way and don't care how it makes them feel.  We have to come to the realization that when we truly care for, and love others, we want them to be better and are willing to risk "truth" to do that .  Truth spoken out of malice, animosity, hurt, pride, or ignorance, will not affect any positive change.



The above reasons are not all-inclusive.  There are many reasons that people are not honest.  Until we are honest with ourselves, we cannot be truthful with others.  We have to decide that it is essential to the success of our relationships with GOD, ourselves, and others that we be gut level honest, but only as it pertains to growth.  If we we begin with the motive that we want to be our best, and want the same for others, the "truth" will work for us and serve as a conduit to developing (and maintaining) awesome relationships.

 EXAMPLE: My success in "Corporate America" for 10 years can be attributed to my candor.  People did not always like me, or what I had to say, but they did "respect" me, which I found far more valuable. 

One day, while working as an Appeals Specialist for a Healthcare company I was asked, by an executive, to send a bunch of medical records to an insurance company so that we could "make a statement".  I could have "blindly" followed his instructions, but instead researched the accounts and realized that it would be hideous for us to do what he was planning.  Fear aside, I went back to him and gave him the reasons why we should not do this and the impact on our reputation.  I had an alternative plan that was just as effective and, after hearing it, he told me to implement it.  This is only one example.  After learning the value of honest, I have been honest with people, regardless of title or position.  As a result, I have respected throughout my career, and  and have been included in decision-making when others were not. 

What is holding you back from being 100% honest with people?  Do you have fears/inhibitions around this?  Do you believe people are not honest with you?...Why?

CAN YOU HANDLE IT?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXoNE14U_zM (click for video)

AN EXORTATION FOR BELIEVERS

 

Wisdom says...

What image are you projecting to the world?

The bible calls us "living epistles" or "living letters" (of recommendation) that can be read by all men (2nd Cor 3:2). Paul was telling the Corinthian church that the apostles needed no letters of recommendation because the good works could be seen in their (Corinthians)
 lives.

 The question is...does GOD need a letter of recommendation or do OUR lives speak for him? 

As Christians, we are under a great deal of scrutiny.  We get judged quite critically by the world.  I have heard it said more times than I can count, "I thought _________ is supposed to be a christian".  I used to get upset and wonder how people with no more GOD than "the man on the moon" could stand and cast judgement on me when I am "trying" to live right. 

Well...

Story
I love to dance.  I used to put on my Jordache jeans and dance to the commercial with my (half) sister when we were kids ("you got the look, I want to know better"...).  I am sure someone actually dated themselves right there, LOL.  Whatever had to do with dance, I was in it (performing arts school, cheerleading, talent shows, drill teams, and the list goes on).  Even the (few) parties I attended, I never got off the dance floor.  As an adult and a believer that didn't stop.  At one point, I was on the Praise dance team at church and I even started to line dance a few years ago.  I love to dance!!  While dancing is not overtly "sinful" I now see that even that can be a stumbling block.  

So...I am at this picnic and they play one of my favorite line dance songs. I go over and start dancing (with my "saved" self). Although I was not trying to be seen by anyone or trying to be seductive, but what happened after I stopped dancing gave me pause...and the subject matter for today's blog.  An older man ( I will not call him a gentleman) came over while I was talking to a group of women I had not seen in a long time and began to comment on my dancing.  I will not repeat what he said, but let's say...it was far from appropriate.  Of course he was out of line, but instead of looking at him, I had to check myself.

The apostle Paul said, "Everything is permissible for me, but everything is not helpful" (1st Cor 6:12 ISV).  Even though "dancing" in and of itself, is not sinful, it was an indictment on my character.  You tell me, could I have told him about the goodness of Jesus at that point?  I wondered what would happen if he repeated some of those things to other people, or how the women I was talking to felt.  Could I have even witnessed to "them"? 

The scripture that GOD put in my spirit is "My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me" (Gal 2:20 NLT).  I realized that all of the things I love to do must come under subjection to GOD because I would not want my "good to be evil spoken of" (Rom 14:16). 

I am finally resolved that my life no longer belongs to me.  I have to give over my dreams and desires to him.  For a time I had only submitted parts of myself to him.  Now I see the value in total submission.

What about you?  I know I am not the only one that has struggled with something like this.  Ask yourself: is there anything that "I" am okay with doing that GOD's stamp of approval is not on?  Does my life recommend GOD to others or does it turn others from him?  Do I care more about my "stuff" than I do about building GOD's kingdom?  In short... am I totally submitted? 

The bible says that we should not do anything that would cause another believer to stumble (Rom 14:21.  How much more for the unsaved? 

Prayer Father, give us eyes to see and ears to hear your spirit speaking to us.  Deliver us from every sin and weight that so easily besets us.  Let the words of our mouth and the meditation of our hearts be acceptable in your sight, oh Lord.  Father, put a yes in our spirits that will enable us to experience you fully.  Your words says that you will perfect that which concerns us and that you chasten those whom you love.  We open ourselves to your perfecting grace and your correction...In Jesus name, Amen. 

TO MY READERSHIP

V says...
 
Thanks so much for your support!  Wisdom Notes been up less than one month and have already had over 400 hits.  That tells me that people (YOU) have taken a real interest in what I have to say.  For that, I am both humbled and grateful. 

I want to take this time to let you know about a few small changes. 

• I will not be posting daily anymore.  I would love to, but it is far more important that I focus on the quality of my posts rather than quantity.  It is my hope that they will be more fresh, interesting, and relevant.  
• While I want to have a blog that is "all inclusive" and contains ideas that appeal to the masses, I will occasionally write for a certain group or population because that is what is burning in my heart at the time (I do believe that GOD leads me in my writing). This will not necessarily "exclude" anyone from viewing; everyone may not find it relevant to them.
• I will be using more audio/visual treats and reference materials in the posts.  This is both to support a particular idea and to allow readers to do further research.

I would love to hear from you all from time to time.  Even though I have over 400 hits, I only have a handful of individuals that give me feedback.  One person told me over the weekend that they love the blog, but don't want to comment (there is a way to leave ANONYMOUS comments).  You may also 
e-mail me  ( vday74@gmail.com ) your comments and I can post them for you (all questions/comments will be kept confidential).  You may also inbox me on facebook:

(http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/1skilledspeaker)

 I am considering beginning a new blog at some point that is more interactive and without comment moderation.  Meanwhile, please let me know you are out there! 

Stay tuned, and let me know if this blog has impacted you in some way. 

GOD bless , and may you continue to grow in life, laughter, and love.

Yours,

V. Dacia Smith

GIANTS??? Where? (click here)

Wisdom says...



What are the GIANTS in YOUR Life?  Have you already decided you are defeated, or victorious?

How do YOU see YOURSELF?

For more...Read: Numbers CH 13 vs. 17- 33

WHO TURNED THE HEAT UP?

Wisdom says...


There are two types of people: thermostats and thermometers. 





Thermometers will always reflect the current temperature, but thermostats actually set the temperature.  This is a concept often taught in leadership circles.  Some believe that it merely signifies the distinction between leaders and followers. But I submit to you that each person has the ability to set the tone for their environment and his or her life.  I have seen people allow others to do things in their space and environment that THEY don't even do. 

We must establish boundaries for ourselves and our space.  If people are allowed to say anything to us and do anything to us, our relationships will be of poor quality. We may find ourselves repeatedly being used, disrespected, and devalued.

Setting the tone, or temperature, is easy.  We can simply say, I don't participate in this or we don't do that here, etc... I have found that people are more respectful of individuals that have rules and boundaries, than those that don't. 

What do you allow that you are unhappy with?  Do the people you spend the most time with know what you will/will not accept?  Are you in control of your own space and life, or do you allow others to control you?  In short, are you a thermostat or a thermometer?

Take courage and let others know what you will and will not accept in your space and in your relationships.  You will lose the losers and attract winners!

For further reading:

MAN... or mouse?

Wisdom says...

Failure to learn from our mistakes is like being on hamster wheel; we exhaust ourselves, but remain in the same place!..vds

Have you ever known someone (maybe yourself) that keeps doing the same thing over and over and you wonder why they don't "get it"?  Have you seen someone get hurt over and over by the same people or circumstance that devastated them last time?  What exactly is the problem?

Story: Many of you know from my previous posts that I was an emotional wreck due to past abuse/misuse and had a lot of problems with my relationships. Over the years, I have spoken with countless women with similar issues and hangups.  They want success in life and relationships, but cannot attain it. They can't figure out why they end up with yet another knucklehead or why people continue to use/misuse them.  Not long ago, after hearing the same type of story for the (for the #th time) I asked, "when are you gonna get off the wheel"?  They had no more answer than I did when "I" was on the wheel.  We put so much time and effort into things and people that continually disappoint and devastate us.  We end up being exhausted, feeling worse, and trusting less.  Ultimately we end up inside a box (much like the hamster), unable to move out of that "space". 

So...how do we get off the wheel and out of the cage that binds us up and keeps us stagnated?  We have to come to the realization that we are men or mankind (not mice) that are not designed to be relegated to a finite space.  Also, we must decide that our efforts should bear us fruit, not exhaustion. If the cost of doing a thing is greater than the benefit, perhaps we should opt out.  Consider this...only a fool makes a deposit at a bank that is no longer open.

Q: Have you been "spinning your wheels" or "on the wheel" of perpetual failure in relationships or some other area?  What are you willing to do to begin to move forward? Maybe you are off the wheel now.  What other strategies might one use to get off (and remain off)?

Prayer: Lord help us identify the areas in our lives in which we are on the wheel and give us the knowledge and ability needed to get off, so that we might enlarge our territory.


For more information...read "Romans" chapter 7

Celebrate!

Wisdom says...

We are all unique.  That is cause to celebrate!

It is not easy to understand or respect the differences in others.  Quiet people often get annoyed with loud and boisterous people, and very neat people are generally challenged by messy people.  We sometimes see individuals that are different from us as being flawed.  The truth is that they may think the same about us.

I remember hearing that "we learn more from people that we different from than those with whom we have similarities". I think that in addition to that, we are complemented by people that we share differences with.  If I am a little messy, maybe my clean friend can help me out.  Likewise my messiness, may help my very neat friend relax a little. Here are a few more examples.

spontaneity vs. rigidity
fearfulness vs. courageousness
introverted vs. extroverted


Story: I stated a few posts ago that I was a very wounded person years ago.  I also was deeply into "church".  I remember that the people I went to church with thought I was flaky because I talked all the time. I remember a pastor's wife once went so far as to pray (yes...she laid hands and everything) that GOD would "shut my mouth". In reality, I had something substantial to say, but it often was overshadowed by the foolishness I had learned to speak.  In any rate, GOD did NOT shut my mouth then, nor has he ever.  It took some time, though to feel comfortable speaking to people because I was always being squelched.
I have learned to celebrate my uniqueness and now believe that my mouth and vocal cords are a blessing and can speak life into others.

Q: Have others failed to see the value of your unique personality, dress, ideals, etc...? Have you felt hindered because you were misunderstood, unappreciated, or shunned by people that were different than you?

or...

Has this not been an issue for you?  In what way do YOU celebrate the unique differences both yourself and others?  How can you help others do the same?



Prayer: Help us see and celebrate the differences and unique qualities in ourselves and others. 

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

Wisdom says...

What you think is what you eventually become! 

I had begun discussing the issue of purpose a little while back.  It may seem cut and dry to just identify our purpose and begin to walk in it, but there are some elements that we must consider.  In order to identify and walk in our purpose, we have to have the right mindset.

Recently I have been listening to a series of sermons, by Bishop David G. Evans, entitled "Conversations".  He talks about both external conversations (the ones we have with others) and internal conversations (those we have with ourselves or, our thoughts).

While it is not my desire to regurgitate, Bishop Evans' ideas, I want to invite you to consider one thing he said in particular: "Every season in our lives begins with a conversation". 

Conversations usually begin with a thought.  How we think defines how we act.  Have you ever been in a situation and wondered, "how in the world did I get here".  It all began with a thought. For example, I have always believed that if I wanted a particular job, I could get it and that I didn't have to go on twenty interview to get ONE job.  Because I believed that way, I "received" that way.  Likewise, in some of my past relationships, I have expected to be rejected or misunderstood.  Again, because I believed that way...

We have to be mindful that our:

• thoughts = words
• words = actions
• actions = habits
• habits = character
• character = destiny

If our thoughts stink, eventually our character stinks.  If we allow ourselves to indulge in negative thoughts we will become negative people, who will be identified or remembered as such.

*** Let's think on purpose! Instead of allowing thoughts to arbitrarily flow in and out of our minds, let us think on the things that will position us and take us where we need to be. 

"You can't stop a bird from flying over your head, but you CAN stop it from building a nest in your hair"...Martin Luther

NO DISCOUNT ON DIAMONDS

Wisdom says...

Don't ever discount another person because of where they are in life.  We do this when we shrug off the feelings, ideas, or plight of others or when we don't take time for those we feel we are better than.  According to the dictionary, to discount is to value less or hold in low esteem or regard.


I experienced a lot of turmoil in my early twenties and things looked really bleak for a time.  Not only did I feel like I would never come out on top, but I knew others felt the same way (some have enough gull to speak it).  Seeing the extent of my condition, a lady (who I  will call, D.J.)prayed for me and said the most simple, yet powerful thing she could have said.  During her prayer,she quoted a scripture "don't judge anything before it's time" (1st Cor 4:5, paraphrased).  That was over 15 years ago, but I still remember that simple prayer, because it taught me the value of not pre-judging.


As far as my own life goes, I have been counted out more times that I can remember.  But those that have counted me out, now have to eat their words and take notice of  the things that GOD has done in me. We all have probably done this at one time or another.  If not, (and that is a big "if") we have seen some talk show, or heard some story about someone who ignored someone in school or from the neighbor only to see them all grown up and doing well for themselves.  Only, the new and improved, person won't give them the time of day.

Diamonds don't look beautiful at first either.  They usually come from dirt, but after they are cleaned, process, and cut, become the most beautiful and sought after gems.

Be careful about discounting other people because of where they are today.  The guy in the mail room may soon make CEO and hold YOUR job in his hand.  That stinking, homeless person you are nasty to today, may be the one approving your loan application tomorrow.  The person you call stupid now may become an intellectual giant that you wish would give you a moment of their time. In essence, the person you discount today, may be the key to your tomorrow.

P.S... The word DIAMOND actually means INVINCIBLE.

The Four P's

Wisdom says...

We are all here for a Purpose. We need only find out what that purpose is.  This is no easy task (at least for me it wasn't).  Sometimes we have to try a few things, before actually finding our Life's Purpose.

I've dabbled in a lot of things before I finally realized my purpose. Long ago, I remember wanting to be a singer.  I knew the words to every song on the radio and could mimic the sounds of Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Miki Howard, Cheryl Pepsi Riley and other female singers of the 80's. I entered a few talent shows, sang on the school choir, and enjoyed singing with my friends.    But, by 11th grade I ended up getting booed at the school talent show (there was a problem with the microphone, I tell you!).  Thank GOD I was dating the "sandman" and had clout in the audience or it would have been even worse.  Needless to say, I did not get a recording contract.  What's a girl to do?

I didn't stop there. I have tried a whole lot of other things over the years.  It was not until I was in my mid-twenties that I understood that I had purpose.  Most of my life was spent just trying to "survive" that "living on purpose" was a foreign concept to me.  Once I grasped it, however it was on! I realized that I had a unique "gift" and had a defining moment where I realized that PURPOSE is what we are passionate about, but are willing to do without recognition or other compensation, and gives us great pleasure.  To put it in mathematical terms:

PASSION - PAYMENT = PURPOSE + PLEASURE

I began spending more time listening to, encouraging, and motivating others than  anything else.  In fact, at my last job, I thought for sure I would get fired because my job responsibilities eventually took a back seat to my "passion". 

None of us are here by mistake.  As we move closure to purpose, we will have great pleasure.  And while we will not seek payment, it will be a byproduct of pursuing our passion.

Q: Have you found your life's purpose?  If yes, how did you get there?  If no, what steps do you need to take in order to discover it?

Seeking Sensibly

Wisdom says..

After having been married over 14 years I have learned a lot about relationships, especially mine. Many men and women have asked me questions about finding a potential mate and/or having a good relationship. While I am by no means an expert, here are a few principles that may prove helpful in determining how to find "the one":

Spend some time working on yourself first.
You can only expect to receive that which you, yourself are offering. Also, when you are at your best, you  make better choices and are less tolerant of foolishness.

MEN do the chasing!
Women I know this is hard because there is a shortage of men, or because "he is so fine" or "he's got it going on" or some other reason. It just doesn't work the other way around. Now, I am not suggesting a woman can't say hello to a man first, but when it comes down to it, the man has to be the aggressor. This gives the woman security that the man is actually interested in her and not just responding to her advances. In other words,women...if you say hello and he says "hi"and keeps it moving, you keep it moving too. Men, don't let "shyness" cause you to miss an opportunity.

Do a cost/benefits analysis.
Ask yourself: Is the cost of being in this relationship more than the benefits? Some of us are very savvy with our finances and other areas of our lives,but fail in relationships because we don't apply the same principles. Would you keep an animal that won't stop peeing on your floor or that tears up your furniture? So...find out what you can live with and without. Consider...you wouldn't buy a car that has no steering wheel.

Use your head
Emotions are good. But, we have to exercise our intellect too. Your feelings will betray you every time but your mind will keep you grounded. I may "feel" like doing 90 in a 45 mile zone, but my mind tells me I'm gonna get a ticket!

Be compatible.
It has been said that opposites attract. I say, a vegetarian and a carnivore will repel each other.  However, a person that cooks meat well is a good match for one that cooks vegetables well.  See the difference?  Opposites contradict, not complement.  Complementing one another allows for a mutually beneficial partnership.

Q: What is one thing you cannot live with or without in a relationship?
Q: If you are already happily married...what other principles (not listed above ) did YOU use in finding "the one"?

On Personal Growth:

Wisdom says...

Growth is not automatic.  It requires participation on our part.  We all have areas of our lives in which we could stand to improve, but it takes work.  Often we look at ourselves over time, see the growth, and wonder how it happened.  It was something WE did.  Growth can be positive or negative, but where the focus goes, the power flows.

Positive focus=positive growth

Those in my family as well as those that knew me when I was young, can see that I have grown (wider) over the years.  This did not just happen!  It took consistent action on my part. Every bite, every calorie, every delicious morsel contributed to my current state.  Likewise I have grown intellectually.  This resulted from reading, taking classes, and listening to intellectually stimulating information.

When we desire to grow intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, relationally, etc... we have to realize that every step we take in that direction will contribute to our growth.  One day, we will wake up, take inventory and look at the marvelous growth we have made. 

Q: In what ways do YOU need to grow and what are some steps toward that growth?

HELP!! MY GLASSES ARE DIRTY!

Wisdom says...

Have you ever looked out of dirty glasses or a dirty window? Things don't look quite right, do they?

We all see life through a particular lens.  "What" or "How" we see is determined by our beliefs.  I have heard it said that our belief system, is made up of 3 things:

• repetitious information
• credible people
• life experiences

Some of us have received lousy information, had negative experiences, or come to the realization that the credible people in our life hoodwinked us.  This is problematic because it skews our belief system, hence,  how we look at the world.  In other words, it dirties our glasses.  When we see the world through "dirty glasses" (skewed perceptions) our lives will be negatively impacted. We will see the results reflected in our speech, relationships, and ultimately our success (or lack thereof).

Story:
After years of being in emotional turmoil, I realized that due to being hurt as a child, I was viewing the world as a victim.  Every time someone said or did something to me, I would refer to my emotional scars and say, "see that's why I can't trust/get close to people" or "why does this always have to happen?" etc...   I would even make promises to myself about what I would never do again and how I was going to respond next time etc...
It dawned on me that I was viewing things through the lens of hurt, which was like a slow-acting poison in my relationships.  Even when others had the best intentions, I failed to receive because my proverbial "glasses" were dirty. It was not until I recognized the extent of my condition that I opted for a new pair of glasses, given to me by GOD to see him, myself, and others.

Perhaps you too have been disappointed, misunderstood, or maybe even misused/abused...Perhaps you have been plagued by mistrust, inferiority, or failure.  Perhaps you have even given up on some dream or desire because you have failed in the past.  I CHALLENGE YOU to examine what you see, and clean your glasses. ***If you are like me, you may need to get a new pair!

Prayer: Lord...our glasses are dirty. Give us new experiences, credible people, and information to help us  see you, ourselves, and others clearly.

Video: What's right with the world!

WHEN "HELP" HURTS.

Wisdom says...

We were created with a desire to "help" others.  Unfortunately, some of the things that we do to help, actually "hurt".  So we can say that there is a help that "helps" and a help that "hurts". Real help, should empower individuals to do the seeking, acting, and exercising the discipline necessary to solve their own problems, not provide solutions for them.  It should be an assisting partnership that enables the individuals to actively participate in their own growth.  This is the kind of help that will last, and overall affect lasting change in the lives of people. 

Story:
 I was working with a young lady who was not receptive to all of the help I was offering.  While meeting with her one day, I realized that she would only understand what help looks like when I demonstrated for her.  Since "demonstrative" could have been my middle name, I fell (yes fell) on the floor.  There were two others in the room and all three of them looked at me like like I was crazy.  Ironically, she was the first one to try to "help" me off the floor, but I intentionally became "dead weight".  The Harder she tried to lift me, the more I resisted.  She actually was going to leave and try to get someone bigger and stronger to help (there's that word again) her.  I stopped her there, because I knew I proved my point.  I asked her, "why couldn't you pull me up?" and she replied "because you weren't cooperating".  I said "exactly"...you will never be able to truly help someone if they refuse to participate in their own rescue. Otherwise they become "dead weight" which exhausts us to the point of burnout.

Prayer: Lord, lead us to help those who are truly prepared to receive it.

Who are you pleasing?

Wisdom says...

Concerning People Pleasing

I have found that the older I get, the less likely I am to please people.  Not because I don't care about their feelings, but because I realize my inablility to do so. First, we have all heard the cliche "you can't please everybody".  The truth is that we really won't be able to please anyone because others will almost always want something more or different than we are offering.  The more you try, the harder it becomes.  We weren't designed to please one another, but rather to please GOD in hopes that he will lead us to behaviors and actions that others will find pleasing.

Welcome

Wisdom says...

I would like to welcome you all to my page.  This is my very first post.  As I grow, I endeavor to pass on my knowledge and experiences to others.  This is based on the principle of sowing and reaping.  As I sow wisdom into others, it is my expectation that I will reap more wisdom from GOD.  Thank you for allowing me to share, and may GOD allow us to grow in life, love, and learning together.